Grief can be difficult to predict. One day, you might feel as though you’re beginning to adjust to a loss. The next, a song, photograph, anniversary, or ordinary conversation can bring your emotions rushing back.
Although grief is often associated with the death of someone close to us, people also grieve many other kinds of losses. The end of a relationship, a serious health diagnosis, the loss of a job, infertility, moving away from a familiar community or even a major change in identity can all bring feelings of grief.
Understanding what grief can look like doesn’t make the experience easy, but it can help you make sense of some of the emotions and changes you are experiencing.
What Are the Five Stages of Grief?
You’ve probably heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These stages can provide a useful framework for understanding some common grief reactions, but they are not a checklist everyone follows.
Here is what each stage can look like in everyday life:
Denial – A loss can initially feel unreal. You might find yourself reaching for your phone to call someone who has died or momentarily forgetting that a relationship has ended. Denial can give your mind time to absorb a reality that feels overwhelming.
Anger – Grief can bring frustration, resentment and even anger toward people you care about. You might feel angry at a doctor, family member, yourself or the person you lost. Sometimes there is no clear target for that anger at all.
Bargaining – This often involves thinking about what you could have done differently. Thoughts such as, “If only I had noticed sooner,” or “What if I had said something different?” can become repetitive.
Depression – Sadness can become especially noticeable as the reality of the loss settles in. You might cry frequently, feel exhausted, lose interest in activities or want more time alone.
Acceptance – Acceptance does not mean being happy about what happened or forgetting what you lost. It generally means recognizing the reality of the loss and beginning to find ways to live alongside it.
Grief Doesn’t Follow a Straight Line
The phrase “stages of grief” can make grief sound more orderly than it actually is. Most people don’t move from denial to anger, bargaining, depression and then acceptance. You could experience several emotions in the same afternoon. You might reach a place of greater acceptance and then feel intense anger or sadness months later.
Some people don’t identify with every stage at all.
Grief can also resurface around birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and major life events. You might feel relatively steady for weeks and then struggle when you hear a familiar song or walk into a place you once visited together.
There is no correct emotional schedule for grieving. Your relationship with the person or situation you lost, your support system, previous experiences, health and current stress can all shape the way grief affects you.
How Can Grief Affect Your Mental Health?
Grief affects more than your emotions. It can influence how you think, sleep, interact with people and move through daily responsibilities.
For example, you might notice:
Difficulty concentrating at work or remembering appointments
Changes in sleep or appetite
Anxiety about losing someone else
Irritability over situations that normally would not bother you
Feelings of guilt or regret
Loss of motivation
Withdrawal from friends and family
Trouble enjoying activities that once felt important
Physical exhaustion or feeling emotionally drained
Grief and depression can also share some symptoms, including sadness, low energy and reduced interest in activities. For some people, grief can occur alongside depression or anxiety.
Pay attention to how you’re functioning over time. If your emotions feel increasingly difficult to manage, you’re becoming very isolated or grief is interfering significantly with everyday life, speaking with a mental health professional can provide additional support.
How Grief Counselling Can Help
Grief counselling offers a private place to talk openly about your loss without worrying that you are burdening someone or that you should be “over it” by now. A grief therapist can help you:
Identify and understand difficult emotions
Work through guilt or unresolved questions
Develop strategies for managing stressful moments
Adjust to changes in your everyday life
Counselling is not about forgetting the person or experience you lost. Instead, grief and loss therapy can help you process what happened while finding ways to continue living, connecting with others and caring for your mental health.
Common Questions About Grief and Loss Counselling
Grief often raises questions about what’s normal, how long it will last and when additional support could be useful. Here are answers to several common questions.
Q: How long does grief last?
A: There is no universal timeline. Grief often changes in intensity over time rather than disappearing on a specific date. Important anniversaries, reminders and life events can continue to bring emotions to the surface.
Q: Is it normal to feel angry while grieving?
A: Yes. Anger is a common grief response. You can feel angry about what happened, circumstances surrounding the loss or the ways your life has changed.
Q: Do I have to experience all five stages of grief?
A: No. The stages are a framework, not a required sequence. You can experience some stages, revisit others or have grief reactions that don’t fit neatly into any stage.
Q: When should I consider grief counselling?
A: You can seek grief and loss counselling at any point. Therapy after a loss can be especially helpful when grief feels overwhelming, affects your relationships or responsibilities, increases anxiety or depression, or leaves you feeling stuck.
Q: Can counselling help even if my loss happened years ago?
A: Yes. There is no deadline for talking about grief. An older loss can continue affecting emotions, relationships and major life transitions long after it occurred.
Talk With a Grief Therapist in Airdrie
At our practice, we offer compassionate counselling support for teens, adults, couples and parents dealing with grief and loss in Airdrie and across Alberta. Our team brings a combined 18 years of experience and uses evidence-based approaches tailored to each client's needs. We offer in-person counselling in our cozy, welcoming Airdrie office as well as virtual counselling across Alberta. Virtual services are also available in Nova Scotia and New Brunswick through our registered psychologist.
If grief is affecting your mental health or daily life, contact us to schedule an appointment with a grief therapist or book a complimentary meet and greet.